hope.

useless. utterly useless. no one ever got something by hoping for it. nothing ever happened because somebody hoped it would. this may be pessimistic, but i've literally given up all hope. on everything. 

i don't hope anymore. i just don't. i know there are people with worse things happening to them, but honesty, go through what i have and tell me you still hope. 

i've hoped a lot. i've used up every single fucking shred of hope i have. i haven't abandoned hope because i'm a pessimist, it's because i have none left. once you've hoped for the things for the amount of time i have, you'll understand. 

i've hoped for my father, many, many times. i've hoped he'd get better. he didn't. for years. it was until like two years ago that he actually did what he said he would. and still, now i don't believe it. i don't trust it to last. i will always doubt him, i will always doubt that what he's done is real this time. fourteen years of hoping for him failed me. it was until i finally gave up hope that he would ever get better, that he actually did. PROOF: what you hope for doesn't happen. ever. 

i've hoped for myself. i've hoped i would stop. i've hoped i would be normal. i've hoped that i would be accepted. i've hoped that i wouldn't hurt myself. FAIL. 

i hate hope. i completley despise it. i am jealous of people who can hope. because that's something that would get you through the day.