1.22.2009

What am I?

I feel sad again. I don't know why. I'm just doubting myself, I guess. I don't feel like I'm worth anyone's time. I don't feel like they should be worrying about me, or even looking out for me. What am I to them? I don't know why people care about me. Why do they care? Why me? What did I do to deserve such AMAZING friends? Why do they love me like they do? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my friends more than anything. I really do. But I don't understand what they see in me. What good am I to them?
I'm insecure.
I'm insane.
I'm annoying.
I'm not focused.
I'm not dedicated.
I'm overly-emotional.
I'm underly-emotional.
I overreact.
I underreact.
I don't pay attention.
I'm not dedicated.
I don't care enough.
I care too much.
I'm unsure.
I doubt myself.
I'm not bright.
I rely too much on certain people.
I refuse to spill my guts out to people who can help me.
I spill my guts out to the wrong people.
I burden people with my problems.
I worry people.

I come with all of this and more...
Its a package deal. And all of these people choose to be friends with me. To be fair, a lot of them don't know a lot of this, they just see who I am on the surface, and I don't like faking, but it's necessary. I feel like im lying to everyone. I guess in a way, I am. I don't know.

2 comments:

  1. I'm insecure. - Lies. You have the guts to stand up to people and to do whatever the hell you feel like. Even if you care what they think, you do whatever anyway. That's something worth looking up to.
    I'm insane. - Yes, but aren't we all? I mean, c'mon, that's what makes life more interesting.
    I'm annoying. - I DON'T THINK YOU'RE ANNOYING.
    I'm not focused. - Who cares? You can focus when you want, you don't have to be all up in something all the time.
    I'm not dedicated. - Now that's definitely not true. You're dedicated to your friends, you're dedicated to art, you're dedicated to crew. Dedication is about doing what YOU want to do, not everyone else.
    I'm overly-emotional. - That's in no way shape or form a bad thing. You're passionate about life, and you like to express what you're feeling. It's better than pretending you don't feel at all.
    I'm underly-emotional. - I love the contrast, but I understand what you mean. You don't have to be emotional about everything, if you don't feel something, you just don't.
    I overreact. - Everyone does sometimes.
    I underreact. - Ditto.
    I don't pay attention. - Why does that even OH LOOK A BUTTERFLY!
    I'm not dedicated. - See above?
    I don't care enough. - You do care, and you know it. And people care about you.
    I care too much. - That comes with being emotional, but again, not a bad thing. You can never care enough about something you love.
    I'm unsure. - If you're unsure of yourself, then I sure as hell don't know how I've been giving a damn about anything.
    I doubt myself. - Ditto.
    I'm not bright. - Oh please. You're wonderfully gifted and talented at many things. You can't be magnificent at everything, but you are magnificent in the smarts department.
    I rely too much on certain people. - Everyone needs people to lean on. You can lean on them all you want. You deserve it.
    I refuse to spill my guts out to people who can help me. - The people who can help you will just pull those guts right out of you damnit.
    I spill my guts out to the wrong people. - Yeah well, we all do that, don't we? I mean christ, we're only human. Silly.
    I burden people with my problems. - DON'T EVER THINK YOU'RE BURDENING PEOPLE! If they're your friend, they'll be glad you're talking to them, and they'll love to help. If they're not your friend, then screw 'em.
    I worry people. - People worrying about you just means they care about you. Even if it pisses you off, just remember they're trying to help and show how much they love you.

    Cheer up babe, the weekend's almost here, and fun times lie ahead! You'll get to hang out with your friends, and we all love you to death <3

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